Be Careful What You Call Your Children, They Just Might Believe YouJan 08, 2022
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Alicia (spoiler alert 🚨 it me).
Anyway, Alicia was a stream of constant energy- albeit, sometimes not so great energy, or so she was told.
Her self-representation in childhood was one conditioned to be as such:
I’m too much.
I’m loud & talk too much.
I need to be quieter like the other girls in school.
I’m actually super dumb.
Dude. I’m literally so chubby.
I suck at math and am embarrassed I have to count using my fingers.
Why do I suck at math? Everyone else gets it so easily.
I should probably marry someone rich bc I’m too dumb to make it far in life.
I wish our family was like _______’s family.
Who’s going to want to love me? I’m so unlovable.
I literally mess everything up.
For real, I mess everything up- friendships, relationships, anything good, I’m the queen of ruining it.
HARSH, right? I know. Trust me, I lived it.
This self-representation was formed by way of direct & indirect influence from those around her- the judgments made of her from individuals who likely harshly judged themselves as well.
So, what did Alicia do with this self-concept?
She tried REALLY hard to be everything and anyone except who she really was.
Because clearly who she was sucked into.
Who she was, as she was, wasn’t anything good.
So, she tried to change everything about herself to not be this person and she did so by living super inauthentically.
By inauthentically I mean she literally lied, for lack of better words, about so much.
Who she was
What she looked like
What she was doing with her life
What her home life was like
She lied not with ill intention but, as she would later come to learn,: she lied because faking who she was had to be better than being who she actually was.
Spoiler alert 🚨 it doesn’t work that way.
What she came to learn is that the more you abandon your humanity, your authenticity & your innate way of showing up in this world, the more self-rejecting you become & the more you move away from self-acceptance.
How are we to be accepted by others if we don’t accept ourselves?
A question she had to ask herself far later than she would have liked to yet, better late than never holds its truth in this case.
She learned the hard way that the shame of those who raised her was not hers to carry.
She learned that those who raised her while they didn’t have the skill-set to nurture her in the most optimal way, they did the best they could.
She learned to forgive herself for what she didn’t know; For the embarrassing & shameful behaviors, she might have engaged in. After all, she was in survival mode & on a quest for love and belonging (ha, aren’t we all).
She learned that while blaming them & resisting self-actualization is far easier than ‘doing the work’, it was the latter that would lead her to liberation & bring her home back to herself.
Most importantly, she learned that back to herself was the best place to be, because it is only there that she can live in full integrity with who she is, with those around her, and perhaps …maybe just maybe..it is there that she still has a shot at this thing called life.
P.s. To anyone reading this who was subjected to that version of her, she’s deeply sorry, and not a day goes by that she doesn’t think of the impact her inauthenticity had on many people she cared about most and lost.
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