What it means to live with adequate self-esteem

self-esteem Jul 08, 2021

Self-Esteem is something everyone wants, but no one truly understands.

And not understanding what self-esteem even is will make it infinitely more difficult to obtain.

That’s what I’m here to help you do today.

Society's general idea of self-esteem is often misinformed, underappreciated, and misrepresented; Generally, people think self-esteem is confidence--perhaps even arrogance.

People also tend to believe that self-esteem is reserved for those who have achieved and accomplished a lot or, those who live “a perfect life”.

One example that’s rampant in society today is that those who are in romantic relationships MUST have adequate self-esteem--which is entirely untrue.

Other examples of types of people who are perceived to have adequate self-esteem include those who: 

  • Land top jobs or get into the best schools
  • Are surrounded by large friend groups at all times
  • Have had babies at the “right” age 
  • Seemingly parent their children “effortlessly,”
  • Seem to be able to eat whatever they want without consequence

They for sure have self-esteem.


And if that’s true, then all we have to do is do those things to feel confident, right?


Many who busy themselves with lofty goals and high ideals (or check off all the points listed above) actually lack adequate self-esteem. 

The reason for that is because self-esteem isn’t what conventional wisdom has us believing it is.

Self-esteem doesn’t stand alone; Self-esteem is one concept made up of six crucial and often overlooked components.

The Two Most Fundamental Components To Understand For Your Self-Esteem Journey Are:


1. SELF-EFFICACY: A sense of confidence despite challenges.

 Self-Efficacy Looks Like

 Inadequate Self-Efficacy Looks Like

  • “No matter what goes on in my mind, I trust myself to navigate that.”
  • “I have confidence in my own basic competence to survive and thrive.”
  • Feeling appropriate to the requirements of life.
  • Always second guessing yourself.
  • Looking for reassurance from other people.
  • Procrastination.


2. SELF-RESPECT: Knowing I am of value and worthy of happiness.

 Self-Respect Looks Like

 Inadequate Self-Respect Looks Like

  • I am confident in my value and worth.
  • I know that I am appropriate to life.
  • I believe I am worthy of happiness.
  • I feel like I am right and good as a person. I have a right to be here.
  • I don’t believe I’m worthy of self-improvement.
  • I’m unworthy of happiness and love.
  • Self-loathing


Not only do I know this to be true based on my experience as a Doctoral Student in Psychology, but I’ve experienced what it feels like first hand to have a false sense of self-esteem as a person with a lot of external achievements.

Academically and professionally,

I had achieved a great deal.

I landed every job and clinical experience I applied for.

I was accepted into a Ph.D. program,

and on my way to becoming a Doctor.


Based on society’s definition of self-esteem, I should’ve had plenty.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I felt empty and in constant battle with myself.

 My self-worth was hanging by a thread.


You can choose from one of the following...

In psychology, the term ‘workability’ asks you to consider if what you’re doing in your life right now is working for you?

Does what you’re currently doing guide your behavior in a way that creates a rich & full life? 

How about adequate self-esteem and self-acceptance? 

If the answer is no, then you need to invest in something and someone that is workable.

Something = Self-Esteemed.

Someone = You.

You’re workable, and whether or not you realize it yet, you have the ability to live a life that is workable- a life that works for you.

If you enjoyed reading, 

The best way to get more is by connecting with me as we travel the journey of life. Only the occasional email here & there :)